Surprise....or not......

First of all is it weird that I'm excited to work with people who have eating disorders and/or cutting or other self-inflicted violence issues? I'm telling you folks I am entering the right profession. These things touch my heart and soul in a way I just can't explain. It's like the more "screwed up" (in quotes cause not how I view it but how others often perceive it) a person is the more I want to be there for them. The more I want to use myself and the therapeutic relationship as a vehicle for change for this person, which I believe will have ripple effects into many others areas of their life (shit this isn't aligning fully with Gestalt and sounding more like client-centered therapy or existential...oh well they said there would be fluctuation before we graduate).

What a huge gift and blessing to be able to sit with someone in their pain and get let into their deepest, darkest places. Ahhhh I'm so, so thankful to be me. In case you haven't noticed I've been going threw loads of shit in counseling. Most days it seems unbearable, just 12 hours ago I was in that place, but moments like this bring me out of those funks. Moments like this allow me to push threw, sit with it, process it, and move on. I can only take clients as far as I'm willing to go. So if I'm not willing to focus on things then how the hell can I ever expect them to? I can't, it's unrealistic, and strongly goes against the authentic presence that so genuinely flows from my being.. In a weird way, my past has blessed me with more empathy and understanding then I can ever get out of any textbook. I find the classes, seminars, readings, etc give me the tools I need to assist others and myself in these areas. However, for the most part the majority of my understandings are lightbulb moments that come when I can relate to the topic or what is being said. That said, I have a lot of work to do on my own self-image of myself, or any clients with bulimia or anorexia that I will have will sniff my insecurities out from a mile (sorry kilometre...ha ha ha) away..... talk about counter-transference! And because I am being so honest, I have work to do in the SIV world as well. Phewf that was hard to admit....

Secondly....I got accepted into my second year of counseling! Really I wasn't expecting not to if I'm honest. However, it does feel good to have that letter in my hand saying so and validating me. Basically in our program, just because you got let in doesn't mean you'll necessarily be able to continue throughout the 2 years. So the profs do a full review on each student in the program and either dismiss, admit fully, or admit as long as certain criteria are met and kept. I got admitted fully :)

Dear Erin:

Following a thorough review of your potential as a counselor, the counseling faculty has taken action to admit you to candidacy for the M. A. in Counseling Degree, contingent on successful completion of the pre-requisite 30 semester hours.

Erin, you bring an authenticity and innate skill that is demonstrated in your work with clients. We affirm your awareness of the primacy of “being authentic in the therapeutic relationship with the client, giving them the space they need to be themselves, and committing to being there with them, no matter what that looks like.” That a deep place within you has come alive is wonderful!

Your forthright style and willingness to bring yourself to your peer relationships and to counseling is a strength.

You name a growth edge as your desire to be with the client even if they are sharing positive life events. Developing the skill of tracking where the client is at and seeing the benefit of sharing in celebration and pain is a strong growth goal.

We encourage you to continue your own inner work and to deepen your understanding of how theory and practice are applied in the clinical encounter.

We extend our congratulations on your successful work in the program to this point, and have every confidence that you will become a valued colleague in the counseling community. We pray for God’s blessing on your remaining work in the program!

Sincerely yours,

P. David Glanzer, Ph.D.

Week 13....

• "I survived group therapy and all I got was this lousy shirt" this is my therapy group that I just spent 10 weeks with for my group counseling class....we finally agreed on something and ordered t-shirt for our last day...this was a brutal process, but I learned so much as a leader and a participant! In the above picture we are all holding our affirmation trees that we made. Basically each person wrote an affirmation on cards and hung them on our trees. Guess who cried a lot ;)
• only 3 more weeks of the semester left and 20 days until I see Jason!!!!
• had a long week
• saw 5 clients and did 2.5 hours of leading groups
• went to a self-inflicted violence education session
• am going to a 3 hour eating disorder seminar tomorrow, both of these are extras and I'm super tired and don't feel like going to them....but I learned lots and since I want to work with trauma these 2 things go hand in hand unfortunately....plus they're free
• ate at Bowl of Good....yummy organic, local, fair trade place that's attached onto Ten Thousand Villages
• had a lie that I've been believing since I was 8 come to the surface this week and smack me on my ass a few times....gotta love that.....thank God for counseling folks
• love my husband a lot.... even though he's not here the creative ways he finds to remind me that he's still present in my world at the perfect times makes my heart jump for joy
• did I mention I was tired?
• going out tomorrow night to celebrate another friend's birthday, then a dinner party on Saturday that I luckily got invited to, and trying a new church on Sunday...good thing I'm taking a break form homework land this weekend
• can't really think of anything else right now to add....been a busy school week that's still not done...looking forward to chilling out tomorrow night and having a few laughs with friends

Cruise details....

One of my good friends just got back from a cruise, and reading her blog is getting me even more pumped for the one that I get to go on in 9 weeks! She had a private room with a balcony (which we will as well), and she left the door open at night and slept to the sound of the ocean. How delightful will this be? I'm not really a beach/ocean person but something about this definitely calms my soul.

So I thought I'd share with you my excitement about the fun excursions we have booked (that were really expensive....my dad is a trooper let me tell you):

First stop: Sicily, Italy (after spending two nights in Rome)

Depart from the pier on a scenic ride to Europe's largest active volcano. You will see the remnants of the last eruptions of October 2002 before arriving at the Silvestri Spent Craters, almost 6,400 feet above sea level where you can walk along the rim of these craters. Return along the same route to Taormina, well-known throughout the world. The town is perched on a terrace overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. (I get to see a freaking active volcano!!!!)

Next Stop: Ephesus, Turkey

The guided walking tour will take you through one of the most magnificent excavations in the world (Ancient Ephesus). See the Odeon, the Fountain of Trajan, the steam baths of Scholastika, temple of Hadrian and the impressive library of Celsius. The library is adorned with columns and statues. The Grand Theater, where St. Paul preached (CRAZY), is one of the largest theaters in antiquity with a capacity of 24,000 seats. You will return to the buses through the Arcadian way, where Mark Anthony (is this Mark Anthony the singer? ha ha ha) and Cleopatra once rode in procession.

Continuing the tour, the next stop is at the ancient site of Miletus, which was a great Ionian Port, with two lions guarding its entrance. Miletus was the native city of several philosophers and sages. You will continue to Didyma, to admire the magnificent Temple of Apollo, a great monument of antiquity. A typical lunch will be served in the town of "Didim" at a local restaurant, overhanging the ruins of the Temple of Didyma where you can taste the delicious dishes from Turkish cuisine (Lindsay and I fought for this excursion because of the Turkish cuisine element.....sounds yummy....although what exactly does overhanging the ruins mean????).

Next stop: Athens, Greece

Enter the city along Syngrou Avenue and drive past famous venues such as the Temple of Olympian Zeus and Hadrian's Arch separating the old and new Roman towns. Other sites include the National Gardens, National Library and the Parliament Building, formerly the Royal Palace. See the Panathinion Stadium constructed in 1895 for the first modern Olympics of 1896. The highlight of the tour is a visit to the Acropolis, the architectural masterpiece of the Golden Age of Greece. See the Porpylea Entrance, the Erectheum, the Temple of Wingless Victory and the crowning glory of Athens, the Parthenon. You will then have some free time (approximately 3 hours ) for lunch, shopping or independent exploring. (I don't even know what most of this stuff is but from the picture it looks amazing)

Next stop: Iraklion, Crete

We chose not to do an excursion here because there weren't really any that interested us. However, we will be getting of the boat to look around. My dad actually suggested renting some scooters and checking out the sights, which sounds fun and scary :)

Last stop: Rome, Italy for 2 nights and then it will be back to Moncton we go. Hopefully we get everything in that we want to see because when am I ever going to be back to Italy?

So thankful I have this to look forward to amongst all the end of the semester craziness! 3 weeks from tomorrow and I'm done this semester....this time is flying by! Hopefully the 6 weeks of summer classes will as well.....

Feeling well weird....

So it has been 30-33 all week here and it is supposed to continue. Here are my thoughts on this (apparently I'm enjoying the list posts):

• since when do trees flower and blossom in March???? this has never existed for me before
• people are mowing their lawns ?!?!?!?!
  
• why are my allergies not kicking into high gear right now? don't get me wrong, I'm super thankful about this....but it makes no sense when I think of the allergy hell I go through at home
• aside from our annual trip to Florida in April....when have I ever been able to be walking around in flip flops, a t-shirt, and capri pants in the beginning of April? Don't get me wrong here either....I LOVE IT!
• now that's it's warming up here I've gone from feeling lonely to feeling like I'm on vacation because of all of these weird realities
• this vacation feeling is making me miss Jason and feel guilty because I'm enjoying all this perfect golf weather without him
• if I get used to this it's going to be REALLY hard to move back to NB in a year....honey maybe we do need to look at options down here :) ha ha ha I bet someone's blood pressure just got higher! Seriously golf 9 months a year and I already have some golf buddies for you :P
• try not to be jealous folks of all the nice weather I'm having to deal with down here.... yours will be on it's way soon...in fact I hear it's already begun!
  

Ain't that the truth.....

"Without a clear connection to our instincts and feelings, we cannot feel our connection and sense of belonging to this earth, to a family, or anything else. Herein lie the roots of trauma. Disconnection from our felt sense of belonging leaves our emotions floundering in a vacuum of loneliness." (Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine)

Amen to feeling more normal thanks to a book I'm reading for my Crisis and Trauma class. Seriously people I have never felt this lonely in my life; it's so consuming and ever present. Doesn't matter how many people are around it's always lurking in the shadows. Yet I am reminded that this too shall pass.....never as quickly as I like though :)

Week 12....

1. get to see my husband in 4 weeks!!!!!!
2. did a 60 minute presentation on LGB and got a 24/25 on the paper that went with that presentation
3. was validated by one of the profs in a big way in the program
4. had to confront a fellow classmate who we caught cheating on a quiz
5. am enjoying sitting with clients, but I like group counseling as well...I'm learning lots!
6. have been reminded over and over again of just how present God is
7. had some sweet tea
8. been enjoying hot weather, it was 31 these past two days and that's supposed to continue
9. was in Target today and heard a child squeaking a toy over and over again....it reminded me of Trooper chewing on his squeaky toys and made me teary :(
10. spent some money on myself today, it felt so good....I needed a new bra and threw in a couple of extra things at other stores as well :) I love Ross!
11. am dreaming a lot about fun things that Jason and I can do when he gets here....all he dreams about is where he's going to eat and golf.....joke's on him we're doing some touristy stuff too
12. have been feeling really lonely
13. hung out with Erica for a half girls night tonight, Trev joined us later in the evening, so much fun and greatly needed in my world!
14. am off to Oma's (German for grandmother) on Sunday with Trev and Christian for food that is "going to blow my face off" apparently...looking forward to this for sure!
15. meet a creepy guy at the bar tonight....I hauled Trev in the conversation out of fear for my life....dude looked me in the eyes and told me he bathes in virgin's blood and that's how he stays so young looking....nice eh? I kept a straight face and showed no fear as he ran his thumb across his throat, all the while grabbing Trevor's leg and squeezing it really hard to get his attention
16. am hoping not to catch the next version of the counseling cold that's going around the department
17. there's only 4 weeks left in the semester, that means lots of work to do....Jason FYI you're getting 3 papers to edit tomorrow...blame Mandi :)
18. the cruise still seems far away at this point
19. am thankful for my counselor who somehow makes me feel more normal amongst all my craziness
20. switched to organic milk
21. went out for Mexican...mmmmmm....we need a good Mexican restaurant in Moncton, Mexi's doesn't cut it
22. been longing to start walking again but somehow never have the time, I think I need to make time
23. Kitty turned 13.....doesn't matter though she's immortal :)
24. been feeling this weird poetry/writing/I don't know what to call it side emerging... must be all my touchy feely classes
25. listened to a presentation on grief groups for children.....we each got a balloon and had to write a message on it and let it go into the sky....felt really good....BUT...I popped it and threw out my garbage....couldn't bare to send the balloon and string into the sky knowing that it would come down and kill some animal....although I could have copied Erica and wrote "if you're a bird don't eat this" on mine....she's so funny!
26. worried the clutch is going in the Honda, feel free to pray this doesn't happen....I don't want to put anymore money in this car
27. have rambled enough....hope everyone is well!

Cute joke....

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba