Week 3....

1. caught my first Southern cold
2. had Christian's yummy parmesan chicken again, so good
3. ate Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia.....why have I not had this before now???? mmmmm
4. got a couple of participants for my LGBTQ group, please be praying more come forward to join....I want to get this started
5. went to Kyoto with the boys....it's a Japanese steakhouse where the cook your meal right in front of you and entertain you while they do it...another mmmmmmm
6. am not helping my "I'm not pregnant" with how much I'm posting about food right now
7. dizzyness is gone it seems
8. watched the movie "The Road" crazy!
9. am still not feeling 100%
10. tooooooo much reading this semester, but only a handful of papers so I should stop complaining
11. am learning how to access primary emotions this week, for example- you tell me you're really mad (secondary emotion) that your husband forgot to pick up the kids at school (in an empathic way) I say something like "I can hear that you're really angry that you're husband didn't pick the kids of from school, but what I'm really sensing here is that you may be feeling some abandonment as well with this situation" Bam bring on the tears :) ha ha ha
12. have weekly quizzes in one of my classes and it's annoying
13. in our group counseling class we have now been split in two to form our own group that meets weekly, we each have to take turns leading it.....man there are going to be some interpersonal issues flying around in these groups let me tell you
14. preparing for my hour long presentation on sexual assault in less than two weeks, we all know how I love presentations
15. am drained emotionally right now
16. booked my plane ticket for March break (March 5-15...yuppers five weeks from today), we're seriously all going to Asian Garden this time
17. missing my puppy and husband, yes in that order ha ha ha
18. need to find a church down here
19. killed a poor, innocent squirrel with the Honda on my way to school the other morning, it was either that or get in an accident :(
20. have to go to counseling right now....EEK! love to you all!

Feeling the love and embarrassment...

So I'm walking out of the house this morning to my car and two of my friends pull up with a care package for me. I was a little confused since I was on my way to class (and they needed to be too). However, I was really thankful and embarrassed for what they did. I received

• homemade banana bread
• ice cream
• honey infused root beer (can't wait to try this)
• a plant shot immunity booster (don't know but I'll try anything at this point)
• echinacea tea
• orange tea
• chai tea
• a vase with tulips in it
• an orange
• chocolate
• a card
• bottle of hand sanitizer

How cool is that? You know I think, not that I don't have enough already, that I've got something else I need to work on in counseling. Being this far from Jason has made me realize just how much I rely on him, even though to most of you my definition of "relying" probably isn't much. I took for granted all the other times I was sick and he drove me to the store or would pick something up for me on the way home, or we went to DQ. Normally while all of this is going on the rest of you at home are pulling your hair out asking what you can do for me. This was the same occurrence down here. However this time I just got bombarded whether I liked it or not.

Everything in me hated it. It seemed SO unnatural for me to accept the gift presented. At the same time though I was smiling the whole way to school. How many people have friends that would do this? And I have friends in 2 separate parts of the world that would do this for me. VERY COOL! Makes all that loneliness from the last three days seem so ridiculous. I'm telling you a lot of things roll through your mind when you're in solitary confinement (k not really but that's how it felt for this extrovert).

I also had loads of people not only tell me I look like shit today (thanks guys), but also genuinely concerned for me and where I was at. Offering me advice, telling me that I'm getting out of the house this weekend and going to their house to just watch movies, etc. My two profs that still have this cold, with my same symptoms, have both gone to the doctor and found out that it's viral. So they sympathetically smiled at me and said "you've got another week and a half to go" arghhhhhhh. Anyways, yes I'm still feeling like crap and yes that does suck. However there are loads of people that love me and want to spend time with me and just overall support me through this. I just have to "stop being such a stubborn ass" because "we're going to love you whether you like it or not!" (that's what my card said).

Courage brings hope....

Words to action....

One of my friends has this as a signature in her emails. I have read it before but never really thought of it. Tonight I read it again and it hit me:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This my friends is why I do what I do. Not only in counseling others, but myself is included in that as well. Every flashback I get I want to say screw it, I want to walk away and not deal with it.... but there is just this inner drive that I cannot explain to keep putting one foot in front of the other and never look back. Besides why would I want to? This last 6 years of counseling has been freaking hard, I'm not going to lie. However, the steps and triumphs we've made in it all far outweigh all the struggles in the moment. He is good!

Got the goods.....

Well I'll have you all know that I just got back from the pharmacy where I spent $20 on things like Kleenex, cough drops (one is in my mouth right now....such relief), and Dayquil and Nyquil. Then I went to the grocery store because I have no food. I don't know about all of you but the last thing I want to do is cook when I'm feeling miserable. The most I'll cook is KD. In fact, the only time I eat KD is when I'm sick. Not sure why... Anyways I lucked out at the old Food Lion today. They had Michelina's on 5 for $5, Campbell's soup on 5 for 5$, KD 3 for $1, and Breyers ice cream buy one get one free (mint chocolate chip and Oreo...mmmmm). So unhealthy eating here I come....I could care less really. As long as it's easy and comforting it's going to make my life better right now.

So for all of you and your complaining of me not letting you help....I proved again I don't need you....HA! :) Seriously friends, I damn near died due to lack of energy when I got home from the store. K, I need to work on this....I promise! Thanks for all your love. I'm off to EMU for a quick meeting and then it will be back to bed I go.

Finally....

Well for someone whose always sick, I've got to say that I've been doing quite well since I've been down here. There were lots of people sick around me, but thankfully I would always escape it. Until now....

The Masters in Counseling crew has been slowly dropping off one by one these past two weeks. It started with one of our profs, then a classmate, another prof, the secretary....and now me along with some others are feeling the effect. What do you do when you're surrounded by the bugs all day everyday? Nothing! No vitamins or amount of rest could have kept this sucker away.

I felt the effects yesterday, and today I have been hit with it. I will say though it's been nice to have a PJ day and stay in bed for most of the day. The worst part about all of this.... I HAVE NO ICE CREAM!!!! Jason can you go to the store and get me some ice cream? Oh right that can't work down here :(

Week 2....

• ate raw salmon in a sushi roll that a friend had, despite Erica saying sarcastically "oh sure eating raw salmon is fine for you, just like raw chicken is as well"...ha ha ha what a smarty pants..I think she gagged watching me eat it....I think I gagged too, weird texture and just the thought of eating raw fish
• have been having a lot of physical symptoms this week that I don't like, I'm going with a direct link between my body and stress right now....and no I'm not pregnant
• won first place in an ethics competition and read 159 pages in a novel all in one night, I'm officially a geek now people
• looking forward to a yummy supper and fun game of Settlers of Catan this weekend
• sang "Oh Canada", along with April, to a group of Americans who didn't know the song
• survived the birthing video, thankfully the prof changed it to a birth that we watched all the action without needing to see the actually female part during it
• stuck my foot in my mouth before the video...there was a pregnant guest speaker in class who introduced herself and wanted us to go around and introduce ourselves, when it was my turn I admitted that I was having anxiety about the video to which she responded that it was HER birthing video that we were going to be watching, man I was embarrassed....I will admit it was weird seeing the woman's bare breasts as she's sitting there with us watching the video
• one of my classmates is flying to Florida for the weekend in a couple of weeks (for $100 return, you can't even drive there from here for that) and wants me to go with her.... she's even going to Disney....arghhhhhh so tempting but would be way too hard without Jason
• learning how to have accurate empathy with a client....going beyond what the client is saying and taping into the feelings and emotions involved in the words....this is hard, especially as the prof circulates and gives you feedback (I was the client in this moment and she made me cry)
• had to do a role play for a client in crisis....I was the counselor whose client was coming out to her parents the next morning....good training for the future perhaps
• LOVING Safe Space and the people involved, they were trying to come up with a logo for t-shirts the other night when I was there...one suggestion was "homophobia is gay" ha ha.....not the one they picked though obviously
• Jason's been in Ottawa all week, which means Kitty is really mad at me now because she's been home alone all week with Alpine....although they've had a break from Trooper
• so thankful for my classmates, so thankful
• been having Haiti on my mind a lot
• been hating the skin I've been in this past week due to a wonderful memory, come on counselling.....seriously this is hard freaking work....no wonder people give up... I'm not helping am I? :)
• having a huge ice storm right now...it's going to be a mess tomorrow
• am making plans to go to 2 counseling conferences in March, one is Pittsburgh and one in DC
• need to book a plane ticket home
• read way too many text book pages for all my classes, I lost count after 206 pages
• am feeling quite exhausted due to ridiculous dreams, my brian just isn't shutting off at night time it feels like
• have a lot of work to do

Oh ya.....

Dr. Leitch-Alford,

On behalf of the American Counseling Association and the ACA Ethics Committee, I would like to say congratulations to you and your students for receiving first place in the ACA Graduate Student Ethics Competition! Zachary Taylor, Erin Constable, Tara Kreider and Thomas Smith showed exemplary work in critically analyzing the case scenario and created an exceptional ethical decision making plan to respond to the ethical situation.


How beautiful is it to get this in my inbox when I get home from a long, tiring day of classes?? I'm excited right now! That thing took a lot of time and energy but this somehow makes it all worth it. I know I know winning isn't everything but just let me have my moment :) This is going on the resume!

So they hand out the awards (a certificate and a gift certificate to the ACA bookstore) at the ACA conference in March in Pittsburgh, which I wasn't planning on going to. Hmmm I may need to now.... Regardless....EXCITING!

Feeling weird.....

For all you inclined to prayer my body could use some right now. I got home last night from a friend's (I had been feeling fine all day and evening) and then I got hit with a very weird episode of dizziness. I decided to go to bed because I wasn't sure what else to do. It was intense though, I could barely walk. While laying in bed it felt like I was really drunk and had the spins. I hate that feeling, but to have that feeling when I didn't even have one drop of alcohol was really scaring me. I woke up this morning still feeling a bit dizzy and very nauseous. Perhaps I'm coming down with something? Or perhaps there's more going on? Regardless I don't have time for this right now, and it's a little scary because last night was not fun. Thank you!

Thank you....

I'm feeling the love from all of you back home and here in Harrisonburg. Makes life easier, especially during this current time where things seem all over the place. So this is a brief thank you to all of you who continue to check in, read my blog, pray for me, and just show your support in the many different ways that you do. Life would be a dark lonely place without you all and I'm just so thankful that I have your light amongst all my sometimes insanity.

Just wanted to let you know that I love you loads and I'm thankful your in my world; whatever part you play! This picture represents the light that you bring...I love the circles that are in the distance. Some are small, some big, some darker than others, some overlapping, some are on their own, regardless they are all part of the illuminating glow of the flame and therefore impact the whole in a way that cannot be explained or separated!

Week 1....

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted something. I can't even begin to explain to you how busy I've been since I got back.....

• am feeling scared for the semester, not only is it a lot of work but there is also a lot of things that I need to schedule outside of class time....for the first time I'm thankful that I'm not allowed to work in this country and not bitter
• this semester's lineup----Integrated Counseling Process (learning a million things about sitting with clients for 3 hours a week and then practice those with a small group for another 3 hours a week), Crisis Intervention and Trauma Healing, Group Counseling, Practicum (more on that later), Human Development, and Spirituality and Religion in Counseling
• Christian and I are trying not to be freaked out that we have to watch a baby being born in our next HD class......his aunt teaches it so we were trying to see if we could opt out, she said we could but called us wimps at the same time in a nice counselor way of course :) I understand the importance of this so I'll do it and probably love all of you that have had to go through this even more
• looking forward to ICP I'm really going to learn a lot, however it's going to be a huge amount of work
• for the crisis class we each had to pick a topic and do a massive presentation on it, I got sexual assault and rape and I was thankful for this since this is what I feel as though I'm being called to in my world
• practicum is 100 hours (40 direct with clients and 60 indirect) and I have already begun mine....I'm going to be working with Safe Spaces which is a group for LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer) students on campus. It is an activist and surface level support group that operates all over Canada and the US. It gives LGBTQ persons and allies a place to meet each week that is safe, even at EMU the meeting place and time are kept secret. So I will be attending the meetings weekly, starting a support group for those LGBTQ persons who are interested, and doing some one on one counseling out of the bigger issues that arise in the group context with those that are willing....BIG assignment, but I'm super pumped about it and I'm going to learn lots....that will be a weird moment when I meet with my first client....eek I can't wait
• flights back to the 'burg were uneventful thankfully, although I hate Dash 8 (prop) planes
• Erica picked me up at Dulles and we went out for lunch/breakfast at Cracker Barrel, which is a country cookery kind of place....basically take any country cookery that you can think of in Moncton and add loads of butter and weird things that you wouldn't even understand and you've got Cracker Barrel....so wanting to emerge myself back into my now southern ties I decided to get the big country breakfast that had everything from gritts to fried apples to biscuits and gravy....Erica was having a ball with my uncertainty of the food and not even knowing how to eat it....I will never order that again because I'm clearly not meant to eat that stuff and my heart can't take it :)
• had some friends going through some rough stuff this week and was thankful that I could support them in that, however I got whacked with something myself on Wednesday night so then started feeling like I dropped the ball....thank God for counselors!
• missing my home, it was hard coming back to my room after being in my house for three weeks
• apparently Trooper has adjusted quite well to me being gone....Jason didn't know how to answer that questions when I asked it "Erin if I tell you that he's fine you'll be sad, but if I tell you that he's acting out and not okay you'll be sad." Good point!
• I really want to go to Disney!!!!!!
• think that's it....hope you all are enjoying the freezing...it's been +10-13 here these past couple of days not that I'm bragging or anything...ha ha ha

Made me think....

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better!

This is soooooooo true with everything that I've learned and continue to learn from my grandmother's passing. I will try to put this all together in one blog post soon. It's rolling around in my mind right now so stay tuned.

I'd love to hear your thoughts/comments on this quote? Did anyone else connect with this?

Week 0....

So I'm going to start the countdown (or maybe countup???) next week since a new semester begins on Wednesday (CRAZY). However in the meantime here's a few things happening on the home front:

• my buddy Trev (dude that has my beautiful Honda in VA) called this morning... the Honda has had another first, it got broke into last night...unfortunately no write off damage :) and fortunately nothing was stolen but a Cherry Coke...Trev's brother's BMW was sitting right beside my old car and was untouched does that make any sense????
• my grandmother passed away on Christmas Eve for those of you that don't know (more on that in another post at some point)
• grief is a weird thing...and dealing with things as they hit is a new one for me too....I'm learning lots, why can't I just suppress memories anymore and deal with them when I'm ready? Freaking Nate!
• didn't get to connect with as many people as I wanted to when I was home (sorry to those of you feeling left out) but Grammie and Jason got most of my attention...and I slept wayyyyyy too much
• ordered my texts from Amazon...apparently the bookstore at EMU is a rip off??? would have been good to know when I overpaid as much as I did last semester.....texts still cost $400...oh well at least I read them now for this degree so it's not a complete waste
• I love my puppy.....thinking of leaving him in a few days makes my eyes fill up with water
• want to go some where warm for spring break but can't afford it :( k let me rephrase that, I want to go to Disney...there that fits better
• feeling nervous about this semester, I know I said this in my previous post but it hasn't gone away
• looking forward to finally opening Christmas presents with my mom and sister tonight
• want to make pumpkin waffles before I go back, Jason doesn't share my excitement about these though
• I hate flying and I've been having to do way too much of it lately, not that I'm complaining though because the man waiting on the other end makes it worth it every time, however with all these new "things" happening in the news it makes me really not want to fly.... hmmm can I do the 19 hour drive by myself? Nope, so I better stop complaining!
• handing EMU an $8000 cheque when I get back will be rough
• thankful we had one awesome Maritime storm while I was home, sorry everyone but I was praying for that
• got to do some baking finally....didn't have anywhere to bring it though so the Nav Canada men were happy
• have to stop thinking of things to add to this list and go get some stuff done

So it begins.....

I've been home for a little over 2 weeks now and I can't help but notice a shift in my body over this past 24 hours. I am no longer in double digits until I go back to Virginia. I am now less than a week away. That's right, this time next week I will be sitting in my bedroom in VA, not in my house with my boys like I currently am right now. I type this with a saddened heart. However as I type that I feel saddened for another reason. I don't want to leave here, I don't want to leave this beautiful life of mine and my loved ones behind. BUT I do want to go back to Virginia and see those cool kids that I've become so close to with in few weeks. So you see it's really bittersweet. I was out with a friend tonight and she said "it's like you have two lives pulling at you". That's exactly how I feel. It's weird, it's a constant conflict.

The other thing that is unsettling within me is that I'm freaking nervous to start next semester. I'm not sure why, I rocked out the last one (4.0 woot woot). Perhaps because it's going to be harder? I'm now not just learning things but am going to need to implement them in my practicum, could this be my concern? Or is it that this break from my crazy counseling sessions has been welcomed and I know I need to start digging again soon when I really want to run in the other direction. As I type all of this I realize it seems to be a melting pot of a whole bunch of different stuff. Each one of these rang true as I checked them deep within myself.

I don't know what this semester is going to be like. I can't control any of that. What I do know though is that I am one lucky girl. I have people in two different countries who love me. I have friends in two places that get excited to see me and I'm just as excited to see them. More importantly, wherever this road takes me I've got one amazing man by my side....even though sometimes he's 19 hours away.