The end of this journey....

I'm sorry to all of you who check this regularly and are wondering what's up. It feels impossible for me to update this with my life right now. So, because of that I have decided to end this part of my journey. Although I still have 7 months left of grad school, this just somehow isn't fitting for me anymore. Thank you for traveling down this road with me reminding me that you are there - it has meant a lot! Should I ever decide to blog again I'll be sure to let you all know :) For now I'll be focusing on school, trauma training, my personal growth, and planning our next Disney adventure!

Couldn't have said it any better...

‎"Some days I am tired of the process, like I should be "done" by now! Sometimes I think that wholeness is over-rated and too much work. But those days are not frequent anymore, and they pass and I remember that I never want to stop growing because the results are so excellent!" Darlene Ouimet from Emerging From Broken



I'm alive folks...just having a hard time getting through trauma trainings, 5 classes, 16 clients per week, and homework...thanks for your patience!

This week....

-the thought of seeing Jason in 3 weeks makes my heart jump with joy...I will say though that these past 32 days without him have flown by thankfully!

-feeling sick at the thought of doing a family geneogram for my marriage and family class...one side of the family, no biggy and has already received their emails...the other side makes me want to run into a hole and never come out...arghhhhh...I may be the first one in this long line of insanity to burst the protective, constricting bubble folks...I feel like I'm going to throw up...

-been fun talking to Margaret about her wedding that she's planning

-speaking of Margaret - 5 of us girls are going to Margaret's family's homestead for the night. It's a super old beautiful farmhouse that has been in the family for 4 generations. Erica and I are hoping not to see any ghosts :)

-I've been REALLY enjoying internship and all that comes with that...I'm strongly understanding what my supervisor meant by "it's been my experience that we get the clients we need" sometimes I think God's playing a sick joke and want to refer them to Erica :)

-I'm loving Yoga and seeing how beneficial this will be in my world after a long day of seeing clients!!

-have a significant less amount of homework this semester, however the 2 and a half days a week at internship are making up for that

-love it that I recognize how my body feels now, hate some of the stuff that comes out or that I realize from that though

-took a leap of faith and He was right there with me the whole time...I stood up for myself and said no for the first damn time in my whole life folks because I knew I was worth more than what was being asked of me! It was super scary but soooooo validating to me and my process!

-am thankful for Nate - my counselor

-I'm longing for a day to sleep in...

-missing my NB peeps

-thankful we were able to bless deserving friends on Friday, moments like this make buying the truck worth it...yes I just said that :)

-wish I had more time for phone catch ups...

-had some awesome BBQ

-did anyone get any wisdom about my future that they'd like to pass along????

-wishing I could meet Mandi and Greg's new little guy Levi...and wishing I could be there to celebrate her 30th birthday :(

-did I mention I love counseling others??

-looking forward to starting a support group for female sex abuse survivors..Erica, myself, and Teresa (one of our profs) are going to lead this group together on campus and incorporate in some expressives!!!

-feeling blessed at times, and loaded with nastiness at other times, all the while wondering what it must feel like to be a balanced person :)

Prayer please....

"As a child you received messages from your family to keep your mouth shut and remain invisible. You also learned to become invisible in order to protect yourself. You no longer need to be invisible to survive. If people do not notice you, they may not abuse you, but they also will not love you or attend to your needs. Make yourself and your needs known.” The Right to Innocence - Beverly Engel

It is with this quote that I will hold my head high and do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Standing up for my needs and what's best for me is almost impossible, but I'm going to do it this afternoon. Prayer please!!!!!

Busy, busy, busy...

- going non-stop for about 13 hours a day 5 days a week is too much for me!
- saying no to friends and fun activities is killing me, but there is no other option
- I LOVE my classes (well except career counseling), and internship despite feeling exhausted
- I'm loving living with Erica. We've now decided to hyphenate our name: Erin and Erica Yutzy-Constable...what do you think :)
- God is playing a trick on me...I decided last semester that I somehow need to pick up on my French again. I secretly thought a conversational partner would be good, but in order for me to be able to swallow my pride I would need to have someone that just learned English speak English, and I would respond in French. Make sense? Well this morning I FINALLY got around to making some muffins. So we decided to bring some down to the guy who moved in downstairs from Africa - as we know I'll do anything for Africans :) So my new friend Abou is from Malawi, and guess what he speaks?? You got it. He wants to start getting together to do exactly what I had been thinking about. Folks I was squirmming and getting sweaty at the though of this. I don't know what my stress is about speaking French, but it's certainly present. Erica thought it was great, in fact Abou was speaking in French, I interpreted in English for Erica, and then responded to him in English. That's rude isn't it? Man oh man! Ok, ok I need to do this - said through gritted teeth of course :)
- too busy to process things that are occurring all the time apparently, you're welcome for that previous blurb
- not too busy to hike a mountain and check out a beautiful view of the Appalachian mountain range....I love the beauty here, but miss the water. Oh and I almost died multiple times on this hike due to lack of oxygen from being out of shape!
- been too busy to post, last thing I want to do when I have a free moment is spend time on the computer
- sorry to all of you who are not getting phone calls from me, Jason is the only one I'm able to get to these days, and even that is sometimes only a quick 10 minute call before my head hits the pillow
- those of you inclined to prayer - please pray that God begins to give me some clarity about after school job stuff, and that my heart will be joyful and excited about whatever that is...oh and if you have any wisdom/clarity/thoughts/whatever about this I certainly welcome that!
- k off to do more homework...hope everyone is well...I love you all and think of you often!!!

Trauma training....

WAS AWESOME! I cannot express enough just how much this training is not only teaching me, but also touching my soul. I won't bore you about all of the details, but I will leave you with this. Friends, if you learn nothing else over my journey these past few years from all of my ramblings that's okay. However, I'm sending an extra prayer up to the Big Guy that something about this quote sticks - especially when you come up against someone who is driving you nuts, and you just don't have the patience for, or they are needy, or whatever (perhaps someone came to mind right now). This was Lisa's, the trainer, third slide in her presentation. It hit me at a deep level, filled my eyes with tears, and made me thank God for all those wonderful survivors that He has and will be placing on my path, and for making me one of these people as well! There is always a person in there NO MATTER WHAT! If some people didn't see this in me along the way I don't know where I'd be now. Thank you to those of you who never gave up on me - and still don't - even when I'm being completely ridiculous!

"If you look at the behavior (of borderlines, those with eating disorders, cutters, or _____) through a traumatic background, it makes perfect sense. If you've been abused for years, your entire organism and personality has been organized around your trauma. The way they act is understandable ...they are people trying to survive!!!!"

Lately I've been....

• wondering why I have the abilities I do in counseling others, but am super thankful I do.
• enjoying spending time with my roomie.
• hating reading again.
• trying to catch up on sleep.
• enjoying vegetarian potlucks with Zac.
• missing Jason like crazy.
• disappointed to discover that I can't come home in November because of school :(
• excited that Jason is coming to see me in less than 5 weeks for 10 days - a crying wife on the phone saying "I can't do this" can make anything happen let me tell you... including getting a boss to add on extra vacation time that one doesn't have.
• thinking about Kitty a lot and wishing she could be here with me.
• not eating out as much.
• working on me, and realizing that I am my own boss, not the other million people that surround me.
• trying to slowly make the switch to some organic products.
• breaking through others' expectations of me and it's been sooooo freeing to be angry about this!
• looking ahead and scaring myself at all there is to do between now and May.
• planning a support group for women sexual abuse survivors on campus that Erica and I will be leading together.
• seeing clients and it's been an energizing experience!
• so busy that I haven't even thought about my upcoming Disney trip in December (with that I just remembered that I need to book a flight from Moncton to DC - I'll be home for one week the first of January folks).
• walking to EMU and not driving since it's only about 10 minutes away.
• loving the space that Erica and I live in and can't wait for Jason to see it.
• not wanting to blog.
• trying to do things for me, and realize just how hard that is for me to pull off.
• enjoying coffee way too much.
• frustrated that my jeans are all too tight - I seriously haven't been able to stop eating since the cruise...it was so worth it though!
• nervous about my upcoming trauma training in Baltimore that starts tomorrow.
• wondering what I was thinking signing up for two yoga classes with Erica and Margaret that begin this week.
• thankful to be me overall. Walking down the street, being thankful to be alive, and surrounded by the beauty I am down here is such a wonderful feeling. I'm going in to a profession that touches me, and energizes me in a way that I can't vocalize and that my friends is great success if I do say so myself!

Check us out....

So I don't know why I'm so excited about this, but I am. Erica (my roommate) and I look so grown-up now :) Writing that short paragraph was one of the hardest things I've ever wrote believe it or not. What do you think????

Oh and sorry for the lack of posting...this semester is insane! To write more, or use my brain any more at the ed of the day to post something feels impossible for the most part. I'll see what I cna come up with this weekend for your reading enjoyment.

So hard to do/believe....

“This is my life and I have a right to live it according to what I want it to be, regardless of what others think it should be. This includes whatever path or course of action I take to develop myself as a whole person. I understand this may interfere with your life, but this is about ME.” Patty Hite

Classes update....

Sorry all for the lack of posting...if I can get through this semester of internship, classes, intense personal counseling, and being away from my husband I think I'll be able to actually pull of anything for the rest of my life :)

This semester I am at the EMU counseling center for 8 hours on Monday and Thursday seeing clients for internship. I saw five clients on Thursday, and boy was I nervous going in there. I hadn't counseled anyone all summer, and was worried that I had lost all that I acquired last semester. Good news is that I had an awesome day. It was one of those days where I just kept sitting back in awe. I can't explain this, but I felt it. I love how I've been made. I love my gifts, passions, and blessings. To be able to sit back and watch this beautiful masterpiece that is me come together in a way that I never thought possible still brings tears to my eyes. I can't wait to be a counselor, and bless others through all that He has equipped me with. In fact I look forward to doing this again on Monday. Hmmm this will be a good post to look back on someday when I'm tired, and want to give up.

Tuesday morning I'm at school from 8:45 to 6:00. In that time I have my internship supervision with four of my classmates, Marriage and Family, and Research (reminding me a lot of Research Methods and Stats only graduate level...yikes). Then on Wed classes start at 9:40, and we end at 4:40. In that time we have Advanced Diagnosis and Career Counseling. Career will be the death of me folks. I do not like it, but I'm trying. I'm trying to go into this with an open mind...it's sooooo hard though. Nothing in me wants to do career counseling with someone.

As for now I need to go to bed. My roomie and I are cleaning tomorrow and hitting the books. Hope everyone is well, and survived Hurricane Earl...or what Jason described as a rainy day :)

Wish me luck...

I'm off to my first day of classes.....possibly last time ever if I never go to school again....I'm not sure how I feel about this...anyways... Yes, 9 hours of classes today. I'm sure I'll be exhausted tonight. I'll post more about my journey at some point this week.

We had orientation yesterday, and I will admit it was great to be in the space again. As one of the profs did an introduction and welcome I could feel my eyes filling up with dears. I'm thinking it's going to be another one of "those" semesters :) Also the new class coming in seems great. It's important to our class that we welcome them, and are there for them because we felt like the second year students didn't embrace us and that sucked!

Off I go....I feel like someone should be behind me taking pictures as Erica and I walk to school!

This week I....

• said goodbye to Jason, and that painful moment is still replaying in my mind
• took a different route (other than 95) to head South into Harrisonburg - missed the excitement of NYC, but loved the beauty of New York State and Pennsylvania
• wondered if it ever stops raining in PA
• ate supper in Scarnton, but did not see Dunder Mifflin :(
• had a McD's hot fudge sundae...been a LONG time, and it was still delicious
• struggled with some relationships
• had a two hour counseling session
• lost at Settlers of Catan again
• celebrated our wedding anniversary without Jason
• tried Ellie's (April's daughter) Chocolate Fireworks Cake that she made
• was really thankful for friends who love and support me
• tried to let some stuff go, especially issues that we not really mine to begin with
• said "hi welcome, can I get your last name? I'm Erin and this is Erica and we are counseling interns in the counseling center this year. The counseling center is located right around the corner off the track in the Wellness Suite. Feel free to come talk to us if anything comes up in your life no matter how big or small because as a student you get 8 free sessions. Also just to let you know, I'll be sending you an email in the next month or so just to say hi and check and see how the semester is going." about 200 times and Erica did the same... we better get some clients out of this :) oh and I now have an EMU staff t-shirt which will be filling the new role of a team building exercise night shirt...hee hee hee
• have been having some wonderful dreams - do note sarcasm here please
• was excited to discover that Zac loves Big Brother as much as I do
• missed Erica the one night she wasn't here, and have had to adjust to roommate living... apparently it's weird to ask to use someone's coffee pot?? I don't know...going from daughter to wife to roommate was a little backwards I think
• have been thinking about my good buddies Mandi and Greg a lot and really struggling with not being there for the birth of their newest son Levi Thomas - welcome to the world precious little one, and I look forward to all of the wonderful things that Jason will teach you :)
• have thought about Troopie, Kitty, and Alpine a lot!
• paid EMU way too much money
• have been impressed with my little car
• made a commitment to walk to EMU every time I need to go (it's only about 10 minutes but every little bit counts)
• am trying to buy local and organic....see I figure if I start it while I'm down here and things are cheaper it won't be so bad when I move back there to make the adjustment
• realized how much I missed Harrisonburg and all its beauty and people
• wished I had a church to go to on Sunday that I liked and wondered if the Pool could temporarily relocate
• have been trying to enjoy my last few days of freedom before the insanity of my last year of grad school begins...Erica said it feels like there's a great storm in the distance that we know is coming and there's nothing we can do about it, and I have to say that's exactly how I feel....orientation is on Monday....here I go head first!!!

Today is....

... a day that I need A LOT of your love and prayers

...a day that I want to go by really quickly

...a day that I've got lots of stuff planned to keep me busy, but also have a date with a close friend tonight in case I can't carry the weight much longer at that point

...a day that I will never forget

...a day that is causing conflicting emotions of joy and sorrow

...sorrowful because I'm 19 hours away

...joyful because it was on this day, 6 years ago, that I married my best friend, the love of my life, the most perfect person for me to spend the rest of my life with

...our anniversary....Happy Anniversary baby! I love you more than I could ever even try to get across in this blog post. Missing you loads, and wish you were here, or I was there, or we were in Disney together :)

Back in the USA...

I guess I'll start this post off by being honest. Something in me has not wanted to write on this blog since I got back down here late Monday night. Perhaps it's because I'm feeling very conflicted about a lot of things. Perhaps it's because I want to remain in denial that I've got an intense semester coming. Who knows!

With that though, in case you haven't heard, April and I made the 19 hour drive on Monday alive and are still friends. We had a fun trip, and it actually didn't feel like 19 hours at all. We were certainly getting quite silly by the end of it. The thing that I'm still shocked about is that with meals,, gas, and coffee the whole trip only cost about $100. Is that not insane when you compare it to the $700 that I pay to fly home??? I would never do that trip by myself though, so if I don't have a driving buddy I will be flying home regardless of the price.

Hmmmmm so pros of being back in Harrisonburg, Virginia:

- I have a new car down here

- I love living with a close friend, in a cute place (pictures to come) that is only a 10 minute walk to the school

- I'm hoping to join the free gym at EMU, and take pilates with Margaret and Erica

- I'll be entering my final semesters of becoming a counselor (CRAZY!!!)

- getting reconnected with everyone that I want to reconnect with

- trivia nights

- warm weather, and beautiful mountains

- cheap gas, groceries, and going out to eat (makes it hard to cook meals at home)

- my neighborhood now has Erica, Zac, Margaret, Trevor, and Christian in it

- being able to get counseling with my counselor face to face as opposed to the phone

cons:

- no Jason

- no Trooper, Kitty, or Alpine

- no Moncton buddies

- no Pool

- going to need to start reading way too much

- the thought of writing a research paper makes me want to crawl into a hole

- being forced to see people that I would be okay never seeing again

- feeling lonely at times (this is why I need animals around)

I think that's enough of the cons, this is getting depressing :)

Seriously though I am happy to be back, but saying goodbye to Jason was even harder this time, and that is super weird for me because I thought it would be easier! Or maybe it was about the same, but the sting is still too fresh for me to realize this. Regardless I'm looking forward to counseling tomorrow where I'll have a safe place to grieve, and process where I'm at. After that perhaps there will be a more coherent blog post.

Thanks to you all for your continued love and support. Ready to track my adventures, and insanity for another year?? I sure hope so....

Poor little boy...

This is my poor, pathetic puppy that had blood work one today. It's actually quite cute, but he's milking it for sure :) Trooper started vomiting a couple of nights ago and has done so off and on - it's been a delight to clean all of this up let me tell you, especially when it's been in our bed twice. Anyways, after getting us up twice in the middle of the night, which he never does, for issues with the other end we decided to take him to the vet. She thinks it's pancreatitis, which is good because it's an easy fix. The crappy thing is that they needed to do blood work to determine this, very expensive blood work at that. I was hesitant, but I'm not allowed to mess around with "daddy's boy", so gave in. We get the blood results tomorrow. In the mean time he's on a diet of hamburger and rice. It was strange cooking for my dog today. Good news is the vomiting has stopped, but we've had diarrhea blowouts seven times so far today (only one of which has been in the house while I was at an appointment so I couldn't get upset). Feel free to pray for this little guy. I think he's on the mend with the diet we currently have him on though. I just can't imagine anything happening to Jason's little buddy, especially wiht me leaving in a week :(

Current struggle...

Remember my post about the residue? Well here is a quote that sums my current stuck point VERY well! Thanks to all of your love, support, and encouragement. I know some of you are benefiting from my posts, and can relate. I'm sad that that is the case for you, but I'm also thanking you for this great gift. It can be a dark, lonely road on this path. So the gift you have given me is to give a voice to what I'm going through, because I don't know where I'd be without the stories and support of those who have gone before me - just passing the torch here folks :)

"The child who expresses feelings that her family cannot afford to face is the enemy in that family's view of what it needs to survive. They treat her as if it's "her or them", and she believes it. Sadly the adult that she becomes often treats the child inside with the same disregard and repressive attitudes that the adults that surrounded her did." E. Sue Blum

Very cool....

I remember hearing this in class one day, and having my eyes fill up with tears as I listened. Jason found it quite interesting as well and emailed it to me this morning. Check it out....especially those of you who have a passion for children with special needs!

www.wimp.com/boyinterviews/

Inward journey...

Cars smars....

I HATE cars, those of you who are close to me know how much they annoy me. Anyways, we've been doing some shuffling around in our driveway lately, and I think we're finally at a great, affordable place for our family.

I had this sucker (1996 Honda Civic) at school last. I've got to say this car has lasted longer than either of us could have hoped for. Jason bought it before we even knew each other - about 10 years ago - and we have just now decided that it is no longer reliable enough for us. Yes, it's in GREAT shape for it's age, but with us living as far from town as we do and me needing to travel to Baltimore from Harrisonburg next semester a lot by myself we decided we needed 2 reliable cars. So we are in the process of selling this bad boy. In fact, as I type this Jason is in the driveway with someone who is looking at it. We are both already grieving the loss of this car, but with that will not miss its lack of air conditioning and oil eating abilities.

This car, 2007 Saturn Vue, (this isn't exactly our car - same color but we had the chrome package) seemed like a good idea at the time, but now we're just thankful to have it gone. We leased this one, had a lot of repairs that needed to be done, and were in the process of going over in our kilometers now that we don't live in town. So in order to preserve our kilometers, since we knew we didn't want to buy the car at the end of our lease, Jason bought the next car.

This 2009 Hionda Civic (the boy loves his Civics and I have to say he's getting me hooked as well) was purchased by us in December. I've had fun zipping around in it this summer I will admit. Good news also is that I will be bringing this one back down to Virginia.

So we've had lots of different scenarios in our head this summer, which lead to way too many discussions. However, we finally came to an agreement that everyone is happy with. We returned the Vue on Thursday - after getting GM to eat about 2000 dollars of our leftover lease payments - and Jason's dream came true. The boy wanted a truck. I have no idea why and I was completely against it. However, they just happened to have one when we went to GM that was a great price, and I actually liked it. It's spacious and fun! Ladies and gentlemen I now introduce to you Jason's new baby, a 2007 Chevy Colorado. Oh dear, now I'm never getting out of Hillsborough am I?

In the moment...

"The work of healing is like finding, sorting, and putting together the pieces of an ancient pot. The work is often tedious, and some of the slivers may be sharp and dangerous. The result, is a beautiful object, elegant in form and function, and in the tale it tells of its creation. If put together carefully, it will also be water tight and can be filled with good things." Richard Moskovitz

As I read this I think "boy oh boy isn't that the truth, and I am so thankful I am doing this". However if I sat here and left it at that I'd be lying, because with that I feel something else. I feel this part of me, the cynic lets call it, that screams and pulls with all of its might telling me that I will never make it. It tells me to give up, because I've been cut too many times by the slivers and there are more to come. Even if I do get water tight it's hard to imagine that I will be filled with good things, especially when all that has come out of this mouth of mine from deep within are bad things that have been done to me. How does one feel good about themselves with this? How do I get to the place where I accept my abuse - which I have - and also feel like I'm a good person? I want to feel like no matter what others think it's there opinion. I want others' opinions to not matter at all to me. Instead though, I'm constantly stuck in downward spirals of others' issues. Issues that are projected on me in some horrible way, and I then take them on as truth causing me to chip away at the pot that I've been so carefully trying to put back together.

I was at a leadership conference this week. During the conference we were given a few moments to think of something that we need help with. Something that we need in order to become better leaders. I'm sure some were feeling like they needed a bigger office, more workers, or something to that effect. I, however, quickly realized that I need to feel like a good person or I'm never going to make it in this world.

Sounds like such a simple realization doesn't it? Sounds like something that I've known about myself for a while huh? Truth is this moment hit me like a ton of bricks. My stomach got tight, tears filled my eyes, and I was shocked at just how much I hate myself. This is the next scary step I will take - admitting this and working on it in counseling. I'm realizing that sometimes the crippling flashbacks aren't so crippling after all. In fact, they've become a safe haven that I feel comfortable revealing as weird as that seems to type. The residue that's left behind is what is scary. A flashback was a moment, the residue is a lifetime. So my friends, here's to the next part of this long winding road, a road that I will not give up on. Although it's a road that has thrown me in all directions and feels never ending, I know it's a road that will take me to my water tight pot. And this pot I picture to be a beautiful mosaic of all that's happened in my world.

Day 10, 11, and 12...

Day 10 and 11 we were in Rome before we headed back to New Brunswick. After getting of the ship - for those of you that have taken a cruise before you know what I mean when I say how impressive it is with how organized the ship is at getting all of the thousands of people off and luggage picked up - we took a bus to Rome and spent two nights in a great hotel that was within walking distance to many great shops and restaurants. In order for us to be able to see Rome we decided to purchase a 24 hour bus ticket that allowed us to hop on and hop off a guided double decker bus. This was the best decision we made; it allowed us to see all the spots we wanted to and saved us a lot of money on taxis since Rome is so big. Below are some of my favorite pictures/spots that we went to.

the history in Rome is insane...everywhere you look there are beautiful reminders of long ago

this felt like a movie set to me...such amazing architecture and streets

used to be the Parliament building, but is now a museum...sure blows our Parliament buildings out of the water...this building was massive and could be seen from a lot of places in the city...we had a hard time getting it in one shot, so this is the best we could do...also I swear Jason had a wonderful time, every picture I seem to post of him though makes him look super cranky.

the famous Trevi fountain...legend has it that if you throw a coin in you're guaranteed to come back to Rome, throw two coins in and you'll fall in love, throw in three and you'll get divorced...we didn't throw in any...we loved Rome but we saw it one, so no need to go back...that's how we vacation anyways :)

man oh man this building gave me goosebumps when I was standing at the bottom of it looking up...I saw the freaking coliseum?!?!?! Still amazes me...

there's the Parliament building again poking through in the distance

waiting for the bus at a stop

another typical street....check out the street lights that are strung across from building to building

enjoying my audio tour...the buses had fifteen different languages that you could listen too...the trick was to find the right station when you got on another bus...I have no idea why they didn't make every bus have the same channels, but they didn't

balconies like this are everywhere in Rome...this is another fond memory I have...they were always so beautiful...makes sense since everyone lives in apartments...this is their "yard" to decorate and make their own

another common sight in Rome...new and old mixed in together...our tour told us that they've been trying to dig a third subway line underground forever, but have never been able to complete it because they keep bumping into ruins and artifacts...crazy eh?

this is a castle that we toured...unfortunately we weren't allowed to take pictures... it was built in 200 AD...it was surreal waking around in this structure and thinking about how old it was...here we're lucky to walk around in something built in the 1800's...but 200 wow!

Last big adventure in Rome - or outside of Rome I guess I should say - was the smallest country in the world...Vatican City. This is the wall that surrounds the country, and that is the lineup to get into St. Peter's Basilica and the Vatican museums (where the Sistine chapel is). We however did not stand in that line. We paid for a guided tour that not only gave us loads of information on things we saw in the museums, but also allowed us to skip the 3 hour lineup.

St. Peter's Basilica square (where you see on television, especially when it's time for them to choose a new Pope).

Recognize this? Maybe a closer picture would help...

Yup we stood underneath this masterpiece in awe for quite awhile. You weren't allowed to take pictures, but someone snuck a few in - with the flash off of course so he didn't damage anything.

one of the many pictures I have of St. Peter's Basilica. I'm only posting this one and the next because the pictures just aren't doing this church - the largest one in the world that holds 60 000 people - justice! There was so much detail everywhere you look. Honestly, it was hard to walk around there without your jaw dragging along the floor.

This was one of only two sculptures that Michelangelo did and actually signed. This sculpture has had a lasting impact on me. It was huge and the first thing to my right when I walked into the basilica. Michelangelo's inspiration came for this sculpture because he felt like Mary needed a place to be able to weep and grieve the loss of her son. Wow eh? I don't know, something about this gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes as I stood there. I will never forget...

Well guys that's it. I know I know it's been a lot eh? Thanks for taking this journey with me. I will post an update soon on summer stuff, but I wanted to get this out of the way first. After Rome we had a 10 hour flight back to Toronto that I was dreading, but it actually wasn't too bad; the time went by relatively quick.

Day 8 and 9...

Is this the never ending trip or what? It was quite fabulous I must say :)

So day 8 found us in Heraklion, Crete. Crete is the second largest Greek island. Now I'm not going to lie here. I do have pictures of Crete, but I didn't take any. We all got off the boat dressed in beach gear - because we heard there were great beaches in the area and sticking our feet in the Mediterranean Sea was appealing to us all - but decided not to go when we found out that it was going to cost over $100 for 6 of us to take a cab there and back. Matt and Lindsay decided to go explore, and the rest of us decided that a day relaxing by the pool was just what we needed. So we visited a local shop - where I bought the best olive oil ever made on the island - and headed back to the ship.

Day 9 was our last day on the boat. We spent it on the sea heading back to Rome. The whole time we were on the cruise I kept saying to Jason that I never felt like I was on a boat. I said that it would be fun to get a storm and feel it rocking just to see what it was like. Well did I get was I was asking for. There was a big storm in the distance that the captain was trying to avoid, and he did, but we were getting some waves from it. Oh and by waves I mean there were times at about 2 o'clock in the morning where I needed to hold onto the bed or I was going to roll onto the floor. I seriously thought I was going to die people, and I was quite nauseous. We had to take the hangers out of our closet because they were banging so much. It was ridiculous! While I laid awake scared and picturing nothing but the scene from Titanic where the couple was laying in bed holding each other and the room was filling up with water - because I was sure this is where my life was headed next - someone else laid beside me snoring away. Apparently everyone else slept fine too I found out the next morning at breakfast. Oh well, just a few more years off my life due to stress chemicals pumping through my body at unbelievable rates :) What am I missing the most from the cruise?? Their oatmeal. Yup that's right, oatmeal. I have no idea how they made it the perfect texture, but they did. I keep trying and one of these days I'm going to get it right! Anyone got a good recipe? I hate thick oatmeal.

One more poston the trip and then it will be real time upodate for everyone. THanks for sticking wiht this...

Day 7...

...put us in Athens, Greece. We were originally very excited for this day, but after all the fun we had in Turkey we were both feeling a little let down by the day. It was beautiful - we're thankful we got to see it - but it was also 48 that day. So walking around and doing stuff was not very much fun because it was just too hot.

This is traffic getting into Athens. We were there during a strike of metro workers, so many people were needing to take their cars and motorcycles to work. It was insane to me how the motorcycles were just going in between the cars as you can see in the picture above.

My first sight of an olive tree. They were everywhere in Athens. They weren't rip yet, but I had picked one off and peeled it apart just to see...I think because I love olives and eat a lot of olive oil I found this very cool that I was able to just pick an olive off as I waked down the road. Sometimes it's the simple things eh? :)

Our tour took us to the Athenian Acropolis. I can't tell you a lot about this. I can tell you it was hot, fascinating, and full of people. It was high up over everything in Athens so the view of the city - seen below - was amazing. Basically it was a place where they used to worship Gods, and many of the buildings were each dedicated and named after specific Gods. It was also constructed in 447 BC I think, this was the fascinating part. How they did this stuff back then, and by this stuff I mean build these huge buildings out of marble on top of a big hill, is beyond me.

I'm sorry I can't tell you more on all of this. I remember listening to the guide, but after being in Ephesus I think I just found this to be okay and not too exciting. Again I can't emphasize how horribly hot it was for all of us up there. There was no shade....I know I know I'm whining right :) My Canadian body just isn't used to that intensity.

This is Panathinaiko stadium, which is the first Olympic stadium ever built in 329 BC. It was renovated and used for the first Olympic games in 1870. This was right in the middle of the city on a busy street. It's so weird to me that you can just be driving on your way to work everyday passing these huge monuments of history. We also saw signs for Thessalonian and Corinth...reminders again that we were in an ancient land. We were almost getting giddy at the thought of this, hard to explain.

Jason just loves getting his picture taken while we're eating. This my friends was something I'll NEVER forget. We had lunch at a Greek restaurant of course. The Greek salad I had there was amazing. The tomatoes that I ate there have made it hard to enjoy tomatoes now that I'm back home. It was so yummy. I think I was meant to eat Mediterranean food all the time! After this we spent time going to different shops, and checking things out. Then it was back to the boat where we couldn't wait to take a shower.

Day 6...

We arrived in Kusadasi, Turkey. I had no expectations of what my day was going to like. I knew it was going to be hot, and we had an excursion. However, by the end Jason and I were in awe and loved our day in Turkey. In fact, this was our favorite day of the whole trip. I'll get into more of that later...

We got on the bus and drove about 20 minutes to a long winding road up a mountain that a bus should never be on. At the top of that hill was Mary's house (yes Mary mother of Jesus). The tour guide said that it is also believed that Mary Magdalen lived there as well. They both went there after Jesus' death, and lived there until they died. I looked at Jason with tears in my eyes. I love Mary Magdalen. I don't know much about the Bible but I do know her story. So I was pumped to get up there.

This was one of our first sites off of the bus. Bit much for a tourist spot if you ask this Canadian :)

Group of us waiting in line to see the house. Man do we ever look like tourists with our cameras, stickers to tell us what buses were on, and radios so that we could hear the tour guide.

This is the house... I can't even begin to explain to you the feeling inside the house. It was so peaceful, I'll never forget it. It felt like time stopped for a moment in there. Again, I can't explain it. It had a feeling unlike anything else I've ever experienced. It was an empty stone house with a sort of shrine in it.

On sight there was a spring, so everyone was filling up bottles of this "holy water" to bring back. We tried for Jason's mom but ours leaked so we ended up throwing it out on the ship.

This was a wall just past the water where it is believed that if you tie something on and make a wish it will come true. As you can see most people used tissues.

We then went down below (Mary's house is on top of that mountain you see in the background) to the ancient city of Ephesus. Just to give you some history here... Ephesus was the second largest city next to Rome when it was built in the 1st century BC. That's right I was walking on streets from before Christ people! Also they found Ephesus in the late 1800's and have been excavating it ever since. At this point they think that they only have 55% of the city uncovered, crazy eh? I have so many pictures and things I could tell you about this, but you're just going to have to go because it's well worth it. Here are some of my favorites...

One of the main streets. I was amazed at how smooth the roads were and the beautiful pillars that lined the streets. Jason and I were joking that all the people reminded us of Main Street USA in Disney. Yup, we're geeks.

Us (I know I know I'm looking hot in many ways here) in front of the Library. This structure was amazing, although it was hot we took the time to look at all the details. I have no idea how they did this stuff back then. In fact, I'm not even sure how they'd do it now.

There were a lot of stray cats. You could tel all of the Canadian and US folks because we were all trying to feed them, pet them, and give them water. Oh I forgot to mention it was 43 C this day in Turkey, and it wasn't even their summer weather yet. If I stopped to think about it I wanted to die, but I was so fascinated that I didn't really complain too much until we got back to the ship, and I realized how gross I was.

This my friends was AMAZING. It's the largest outdoor theatre in the ancient world that could seat 44 000 people. Apparently the acoustics are perfect and some modern day artists, like Elton John, have even done concerts there without electrical equipment. How the heck did they know how to do this back then???

Below is the street to wear the Mediterranean sea used to be...I say used to because it's further away than that now. I stood there looking down it thinking of all of the people that had travelled that street and still do today. People back then like Cleopatra, and Biblical dudes such as John, Mary, and Paul. Speaking of Paul, he was getting ready to preach in the coliseum above. However, he got run out of the city because just before he was about to preach a man, who owned the shop were the idols that the Ephesians worshipped were being made, told everyone in the audience that he was a fraud and to not believe him. I was standing where Paul once stood...this to me was insane! We really want to go on a Holy Land tour some time now. If I was impacted this much, and believe me I was, by standing somewhere where Paul had been...what would it be like to be where Jesus was? I can't even wrap my mind around that one!

Before we left Ephesus they had a cute little show about the Gladiator fights that used to be back then....Cleopatra was there and everything :)

After that it was off to a local restaurant for a traditional Turkish meal...yum, yum, yum. I ate so many yummy salads, kabobs, and hot dishes. In the photo above is the dessert section. I was pumped (you see Lindsay and I have determined that we have a separate stomach for desserts, didn't matter how full we were we were always able to get down some desert). I loaded up my plate, headed back to my table, put up with the comments from the peanut gallery at my table, took a bit from my first dessert, and quickly spit it back out. EVERYTHING HAD FREAKING GOAT'S MILK IN IT...and in case you're not guessing where I'm going...I HATE goat's milk. It's soooo gross. So much for dessert that day, I'm sure I compensated with a piece of something yummy on the ship though when we got back on.

After lunch the bus took as to a local rug making place where we learned a lot about Turkish rug making. It was amazing, and I was certainly wishing that we had the money to purchase one. Some day....

Lastly we had some free time to shop before we needed to get back on the ship. So Jason and I decided to head to a local market and buy some goodies. Jason had to purchase some Turkish Delight, I still don't know what it is. Would have made sense to buy ourselves a box so we could try it, but we didn't; he wanted it for his boss. Then we slowly made our way back to the ship with enough time to shower, and then sit out on our balcony to watch the ship pull away. We loved Turkey. I don't know if I'll ever go back, but I'm thankful that we were there and got to see it.

Next stop Athens.....good chance I won't be getting to this any time soon with the company I have coming from Virginia, but you never know. (PS- Blogger is really pissing me off with their picture uploading and spacing...it took me over 2 hours to do this one post today... so I apologize for the bad layout...I odn't know how to fix it)