Cars smars....

I HATE cars, those of you who are close to me know how much they annoy me. Anyways, we've been doing some shuffling around in our driveway lately, and I think we're finally at a great, affordable place for our family.

I had this sucker (1996 Honda Civic) at school last. I've got to say this car has lasted longer than either of us could have hoped for. Jason bought it before we even knew each other - about 10 years ago - and we have just now decided that it is no longer reliable enough for us. Yes, it's in GREAT shape for it's age, but with us living as far from town as we do and me needing to travel to Baltimore from Harrisonburg next semester a lot by myself we decided we needed 2 reliable cars. So we are in the process of selling this bad boy. In fact, as I type this Jason is in the driveway with someone who is looking at it. We are both already grieving the loss of this car, but with that will not miss its lack of air conditioning and oil eating abilities.

This car, 2007 Saturn Vue, (this isn't exactly our car - same color but we had the chrome package) seemed like a good idea at the time, but now we're just thankful to have it gone. We leased this one, had a lot of repairs that needed to be done, and were in the process of going over in our kilometers now that we don't live in town. So in order to preserve our kilometers, since we knew we didn't want to buy the car at the end of our lease, Jason bought the next car.

This 2009 Hionda Civic (the boy loves his Civics and I have to say he's getting me hooked as well) was purchased by us in December. I've had fun zipping around in it this summer I will admit. Good news also is that I will be bringing this one back down to Virginia.

So we've had lots of different scenarios in our head this summer, which lead to way too many discussions. However, we finally came to an agreement that everyone is happy with. We returned the Vue on Thursday - after getting GM to eat about 2000 dollars of our leftover lease payments - and Jason's dream came true. The boy wanted a truck. I have no idea why and I was completely against it. However, they just happened to have one when we went to GM that was a great price, and I actually liked it. It's spacious and fun! Ladies and gentlemen I now introduce to you Jason's new baby, a 2007 Chevy Colorado. Oh dear, now I'm never getting out of Hillsborough am I?

In the moment...

"The work of healing is like finding, sorting, and putting together the pieces of an ancient pot. The work is often tedious, and some of the slivers may be sharp and dangerous. The result, is a beautiful object, elegant in form and function, and in the tale it tells of its creation. If put together carefully, it will also be water tight and can be filled with good things." Richard Moskovitz

As I read this I think "boy oh boy isn't that the truth, and I am so thankful I am doing this". However if I sat here and left it at that I'd be lying, because with that I feel something else. I feel this part of me, the cynic lets call it, that screams and pulls with all of its might telling me that I will never make it. It tells me to give up, because I've been cut too many times by the slivers and there are more to come. Even if I do get water tight it's hard to imagine that I will be filled with good things, especially when all that has come out of this mouth of mine from deep within are bad things that have been done to me. How does one feel good about themselves with this? How do I get to the place where I accept my abuse - which I have - and also feel like I'm a good person? I want to feel like no matter what others think it's there opinion. I want others' opinions to not matter at all to me. Instead though, I'm constantly stuck in downward spirals of others' issues. Issues that are projected on me in some horrible way, and I then take them on as truth causing me to chip away at the pot that I've been so carefully trying to put back together.

I was at a leadership conference this week. During the conference we were given a few moments to think of something that we need help with. Something that we need in order to become better leaders. I'm sure some were feeling like they needed a bigger office, more workers, or something to that effect. I, however, quickly realized that I need to feel like a good person or I'm never going to make it in this world.

Sounds like such a simple realization doesn't it? Sounds like something that I've known about myself for a while huh? Truth is this moment hit me like a ton of bricks. My stomach got tight, tears filled my eyes, and I was shocked at just how much I hate myself. This is the next scary step I will take - admitting this and working on it in counseling. I'm realizing that sometimes the crippling flashbacks aren't so crippling after all. In fact, they've become a safe haven that I feel comfortable revealing as weird as that seems to type. The residue that's left behind is what is scary. A flashback was a moment, the residue is a lifetime. So my friends, here's to the next part of this long winding road, a road that I will not give up on. Although it's a road that has thrown me in all directions and feels never ending, I know it's a road that will take me to my water tight pot. And this pot I picture to be a beautiful mosaic of all that's happened in my world.

Day 10, 11, and 12...

Day 10 and 11 we were in Rome before we headed back to New Brunswick. After getting of the ship - for those of you that have taken a cruise before you know what I mean when I say how impressive it is with how organized the ship is at getting all of the thousands of people off and luggage picked up - we took a bus to Rome and spent two nights in a great hotel that was within walking distance to many great shops and restaurants. In order for us to be able to see Rome we decided to purchase a 24 hour bus ticket that allowed us to hop on and hop off a guided double decker bus. This was the best decision we made; it allowed us to see all the spots we wanted to and saved us a lot of money on taxis since Rome is so big. Below are some of my favorite pictures/spots that we went to.

the history in Rome is insane...everywhere you look there are beautiful reminders of long ago

this felt like a movie set to me...such amazing architecture and streets

used to be the Parliament building, but is now a museum...sure blows our Parliament buildings out of the water...this building was massive and could be seen from a lot of places in the city...we had a hard time getting it in one shot, so this is the best we could do...also I swear Jason had a wonderful time, every picture I seem to post of him though makes him look super cranky.

the famous Trevi fountain...legend has it that if you throw a coin in you're guaranteed to come back to Rome, throw two coins in and you'll fall in love, throw in three and you'll get divorced...we didn't throw in any...we loved Rome but we saw it one, so no need to go back...that's how we vacation anyways :)

man oh man this building gave me goosebumps when I was standing at the bottom of it looking up...I saw the freaking coliseum?!?!?! Still amazes me...

there's the Parliament building again poking through in the distance

waiting for the bus at a stop

another typical street....check out the street lights that are strung across from building to building

enjoying my audio tour...the buses had fifteen different languages that you could listen too...the trick was to find the right station when you got on another bus...I have no idea why they didn't make every bus have the same channels, but they didn't

balconies like this are everywhere in Rome...this is another fond memory I have...they were always so beautiful...makes sense since everyone lives in apartments...this is their "yard" to decorate and make their own

another common sight in Rome...new and old mixed in together...our tour told us that they've been trying to dig a third subway line underground forever, but have never been able to complete it because they keep bumping into ruins and artifacts...crazy eh?

this is a castle that we toured...unfortunately we weren't allowed to take pictures... it was built in 200 AD...it was surreal waking around in this structure and thinking about how old it was...here we're lucky to walk around in something built in the 1800's...but 200 wow!

Last big adventure in Rome - or outside of Rome I guess I should say - was the smallest country in the world...Vatican City. This is the wall that surrounds the country, and that is the lineup to get into St. Peter's Basilica and the Vatican museums (where the Sistine chapel is). We however did not stand in that line. We paid for a guided tour that not only gave us loads of information on things we saw in the museums, but also allowed us to skip the 3 hour lineup.

St. Peter's Basilica square (where you see on television, especially when it's time for them to choose a new Pope).

Recognize this? Maybe a closer picture would help...

Yup we stood underneath this masterpiece in awe for quite awhile. You weren't allowed to take pictures, but someone snuck a few in - with the flash off of course so he didn't damage anything.

one of the many pictures I have of St. Peter's Basilica. I'm only posting this one and the next because the pictures just aren't doing this church - the largest one in the world that holds 60 000 people - justice! There was so much detail everywhere you look. Honestly, it was hard to walk around there without your jaw dragging along the floor.

This was one of only two sculptures that Michelangelo did and actually signed. This sculpture has had a lasting impact on me. It was huge and the first thing to my right when I walked into the basilica. Michelangelo's inspiration came for this sculpture because he felt like Mary needed a place to be able to weep and grieve the loss of her son. Wow eh? I don't know, something about this gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes as I stood there. I will never forget...

Well guys that's it. I know I know it's been a lot eh? Thanks for taking this journey with me. I will post an update soon on summer stuff, but I wanted to get this out of the way first. After Rome we had a 10 hour flight back to Toronto that I was dreading, but it actually wasn't too bad; the time went by relatively quick.

Day 8 and 9...

Is this the never ending trip or what? It was quite fabulous I must say :)

So day 8 found us in Heraklion, Crete. Crete is the second largest Greek island. Now I'm not going to lie here. I do have pictures of Crete, but I didn't take any. We all got off the boat dressed in beach gear - because we heard there were great beaches in the area and sticking our feet in the Mediterranean Sea was appealing to us all - but decided not to go when we found out that it was going to cost over $100 for 6 of us to take a cab there and back. Matt and Lindsay decided to go explore, and the rest of us decided that a day relaxing by the pool was just what we needed. So we visited a local shop - where I bought the best olive oil ever made on the island - and headed back to the ship.

Day 9 was our last day on the boat. We spent it on the sea heading back to Rome. The whole time we were on the cruise I kept saying to Jason that I never felt like I was on a boat. I said that it would be fun to get a storm and feel it rocking just to see what it was like. Well did I get was I was asking for. There was a big storm in the distance that the captain was trying to avoid, and he did, but we were getting some waves from it. Oh and by waves I mean there were times at about 2 o'clock in the morning where I needed to hold onto the bed or I was going to roll onto the floor. I seriously thought I was going to die people, and I was quite nauseous. We had to take the hangers out of our closet because they were banging so much. It was ridiculous! While I laid awake scared and picturing nothing but the scene from Titanic where the couple was laying in bed holding each other and the room was filling up with water - because I was sure this is where my life was headed next - someone else laid beside me snoring away. Apparently everyone else slept fine too I found out the next morning at breakfast. Oh well, just a few more years off my life due to stress chemicals pumping through my body at unbelievable rates :) What am I missing the most from the cruise?? Their oatmeal. Yup that's right, oatmeal. I have no idea how they made it the perfect texture, but they did. I keep trying and one of these days I'm going to get it right! Anyone got a good recipe? I hate thick oatmeal.

One more poston the trip and then it will be real time upodate for everyone. THanks for sticking wiht this...

Day 7...

...put us in Athens, Greece. We were originally very excited for this day, but after all the fun we had in Turkey we were both feeling a little let down by the day. It was beautiful - we're thankful we got to see it - but it was also 48 that day. So walking around and doing stuff was not very much fun because it was just too hot.

This is traffic getting into Athens. We were there during a strike of metro workers, so many people were needing to take their cars and motorcycles to work. It was insane to me how the motorcycles were just going in between the cars as you can see in the picture above.

My first sight of an olive tree. They were everywhere in Athens. They weren't rip yet, but I had picked one off and peeled it apart just to see...I think because I love olives and eat a lot of olive oil I found this very cool that I was able to just pick an olive off as I waked down the road. Sometimes it's the simple things eh? :)

Our tour took us to the Athenian Acropolis. I can't tell you a lot about this. I can tell you it was hot, fascinating, and full of people. It was high up over everything in Athens so the view of the city - seen below - was amazing. Basically it was a place where they used to worship Gods, and many of the buildings were each dedicated and named after specific Gods. It was also constructed in 447 BC I think, this was the fascinating part. How they did this stuff back then, and by this stuff I mean build these huge buildings out of marble on top of a big hill, is beyond me.

I'm sorry I can't tell you more on all of this. I remember listening to the guide, but after being in Ephesus I think I just found this to be okay and not too exciting. Again I can't emphasize how horribly hot it was for all of us up there. There was no shade....I know I know I'm whining right :) My Canadian body just isn't used to that intensity.

This is Panathinaiko stadium, which is the first Olympic stadium ever built in 329 BC. It was renovated and used for the first Olympic games in 1870. This was right in the middle of the city on a busy street. It's so weird to me that you can just be driving on your way to work everyday passing these huge monuments of history. We also saw signs for Thessalonian and Corinth...reminders again that we were in an ancient land. We were almost getting giddy at the thought of this, hard to explain.

Jason just loves getting his picture taken while we're eating. This my friends was something I'll NEVER forget. We had lunch at a Greek restaurant of course. The Greek salad I had there was amazing. The tomatoes that I ate there have made it hard to enjoy tomatoes now that I'm back home. It was so yummy. I think I was meant to eat Mediterranean food all the time! After this we spent time going to different shops, and checking things out. Then it was back to the boat where we couldn't wait to take a shower.

Day 6...

We arrived in Kusadasi, Turkey. I had no expectations of what my day was going to like. I knew it was going to be hot, and we had an excursion. However, by the end Jason and I were in awe and loved our day in Turkey. In fact, this was our favorite day of the whole trip. I'll get into more of that later...

We got on the bus and drove about 20 minutes to a long winding road up a mountain that a bus should never be on. At the top of that hill was Mary's house (yes Mary mother of Jesus). The tour guide said that it is also believed that Mary Magdalen lived there as well. They both went there after Jesus' death, and lived there until they died. I looked at Jason with tears in my eyes. I love Mary Magdalen. I don't know much about the Bible but I do know her story. So I was pumped to get up there.

This was one of our first sites off of the bus. Bit much for a tourist spot if you ask this Canadian :)

Group of us waiting in line to see the house. Man do we ever look like tourists with our cameras, stickers to tell us what buses were on, and radios so that we could hear the tour guide.

This is the house... I can't even begin to explain to you the feeling inside the house. It was so peaceful, I'll never forget it. It felt like time stopped for a moment in there. Again, I can't explain it. It had a feeling unlike anything else I've ever experienced. It was an empty stone house with a sort of shrine in it.

On sight there was a spring, so everyone was filling up bottles of this "holy water" to bring back. We tried for Jason's mom but ours leaked so we ended up throwing it out on the ship.

This was a wall just past the water where it is believed that if you tie something on and make a wish it will come true. As you can see most people used tissues.

We then went down below (Mary's house is on top of that mountain you see in the background) to the ancient city of Ephesus. Just to give you some history here... Ephesus was the second largest city next to Rome when it was built in the 1st century BC. That's right I was walking on streets from before Christ people! Also they found Ephesus in the late 1800's and have been excavating it ever since. At this point they think that they only have 55% of the city uncovered, crazy eh? I have so many pictures and things I could tell you about this, but you're just going to have to go because it's well worth it. Here are some of my favorites...

One of the main streets. I was amazed at how smooth the roads were and the beautiful pillars that lined the streets. Jason and I were joking that all the people reminded us of Main Street USA in Disney. Yup, we're geeks.

Us (I know I know I'm looking hot in many ways here) in front of the Library. This structure was amazing, although it was hot we took the time to look at all the details. I have no idea how they did this stuff back then. In fact, I'm not even sure how they'd do it now.

There were a lot of stray cats. You could tel all of the Canadian and US folks because we were all trying to feed them, pet them, and give them water. Oh I forgot to mention it was 43 C this day in Turkey, and it wasn't even their summer weather yet. If I stopped to think about it I wanted to die, but I was so fascinated that I didn't really complain too much until we got back to the ship, and I realized how gross I was.

This my friends was AMAZING. It's the largest outdoor theatre in the ancient world that could seat 44 000 people. Apparently the acoustics are perfect and some modern day artists, like Elton John, have even done concerts there without electrical equipment. How the heck did they know how to do this back then???

Below is the street to wear the Mediterranean sea used to be...I say used to because it's further away than that now. I stood there looking down it thinking of all of the people that had travelled that street and still do today. People back then like Cleopatra, and Biblical dudes such as John, Mary, and Paul. Speaking of Paul, he was getting ready to preach in the coliseum above. However, he got run out of the city because just before he was about to preach a man, who owned the shop were the idols that the Ephesians worshipped were being made, told everyone in the audience that he was a fraud and to not believe him. I was standing where Paul once stood...this to me was insane! We really want to go on a Holy Land tour some time now. If I was impacted this much, and believe me I was, by standing somewhere where Paul had been...what would it be like to be where Jesus was? I can't even wrap my mind around that one!

Before we left Ephesus they had a cute little show about the Gladiator fights that used to be back then....Cleopatra was there and everything :)

After that it was off to a local restaurant for a traditional Turkish meal...yum, yum, yum. I ate so many yummy salads, kabobs, and hot dishes. In the photo above is the dessert section. I was pumped (you see Lindsay and I have determined that we have a separate stomach for desserts, didn't matter how full we were we were always able to get down some desert). I loaded up my plate, headed back to my table, put up with the comments from the peanut gallery at my table, took a bit from my first dessert, and quickly spit it back out. EVERYTHING HAD FREAKING GOAT'S MILK IN IT...and in case you're not guessing where I'm going...I HATE goat's milk. It's soooo gross. So much for dessert that day, I'm sure I compensated with a piece of something yummy on the ship though when we got back on.

After lunch the bus took as to a local rug making place where we learned a lot about Turkish rug making. It was amazing, and I was certainly wishing that we had the money to purchase one. Some day....

Lastly we had some free time to shop before we needed to get back on the ship. So Jason and I decided to head to a local market and buy some goodies. Jason had to purchase some Turkish Delight, I still don't know what it is. Would have made sense to buy ourselves a box so we could try it, but we didn't; he wanted it for his boss. Then we slowly made our way back to the ship with enough time to shower, and then sit out on our balcony to watch the ship pull away. We loved Turkey. I don't know if I'll ever go back, but I'm thankful that we were there and got to see it.

Next stop Athens.....good chance I won't be getting to this any time soon with the company I have coming from Virginia, but you never know. (PS- Blogger is really pissing me off with their picture uploading and spacing...it took me over 2 hours to do this one post today... so I apologize for the bad layout...I odn't know how to fix it)