Week 3....

1. caught my first Southern cold
2. had Christian's yummy parmesan chicken again, so good
3. ate Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia.....why have I not had this before now???? mmmmm
4. got a couple of participants for my LGBTQ group, please be praying more come forward to join....I want to get this started
5. went to Kyoto with the boys....it's a Japanese steakhouse where the cook your meal right in front of you and entertain you while they do it...another mmmmmmm
6. am not helping my "I'm not pregnant" with how much I'm posting about food right now
7. dizzyness is gone it seems
8. watched the movie "The Road" crazy!
9. am still not feeling 100%
10. tooooooo much reading this semester, but only a handful of papers so I should stop complaining
11. am learning how to access primary emotions this week, for example- you tell me you're really mad (secondary emotion) that your husband forgot to pick up the kids at school (in an empathic way) I say something like "I can hear that you're really angry that you're husband didn't pick the kids of from school, but what I'm really sensing here is that you may be feeling some abandonment as well with this situation" Bam bring on the tears :) ha ha ha
12. have weekly quizzes in one of my classes and it's annoying
13. in our group counseling class we have now been split in two to form our own group that meets weekly, we each have to take turns leading it.....man there are going to be some interpersonal issues flying around in these groups let me tell you
14. preparing for my hour long presentation on sexual assault in less than two weeks, we all know how I love presentations
15. am drained emotionally right now
16. booked my plane ticket for March break (March 5-15...yuppers five weeks from today), we're seriously all going to Asian Garden this time
17. missing my puppy and husband, yes in that order ha ha ha
18. need to find a church down here
19. killed a poor, innocent squirrel with the Honda on my way to school the other morning, it was either that or get in an accident :(
20. have to go to counseling right now....EEK! love to you all!

Feeling the love and embarrassment...

So I'm walking out of the house this morning to my car and two of my friends pull up with a care package for me. I was a little confused since I was on my way to class (and they needed to be too). However, I was really thankful and embarrassed for what they did. I received

• homemade banana bread
• ice cream
• honey infused root beer (can't wait to try this)
• a plant shot immunity booster (don't know but I'll try anything at this point)
• echinacea tea
• orange tea
• chai tea
• a vase with tulips in it
• an orange
• chocolate
• a card
• bottle of hand sanitizer

How cool is that? You know I think, not that I don't have enough already, that I've got something else I need to work on in counseling. Being this far from Jason has made me realize just how much I rely on him, even though to most of you my definition of "relying" probably isn't much. I took for granted all the other times I was sick and he drove me to the store or would pick something up for me on the way home, or we went to DQ. Normally while all of this is going on the rest of you at home are pulling your hair out asking what you can do for me. This was the same occurrence down here. However this time I just got bombarded whether I liked it or not.

Everything in me hated it. It seemed SO unnatural for me to accept the gift presented. At the same time though I was smiling the whole way to school. How many people have friends that would do this? And I have friends in 2 separate parts of the world that would do this for me. VERY COOL! Makes all that loneliness from the last three days seem so ridiculous. I'm telling you a lot of things roll through your mind when you're in solitary confinement (k not really but that's how it felt for this extrovert).

I also had loads of people not only tell me I look like shit today (thanks guys), but also genuinely concerned for me and where I was at. Offering me advice, telling me that I'm getting out of the house this weekend and going to their house to just watch movies, etc. My two profs that still have this cold, with my same symptoms, have both gone to the doctor and found out that it's viral. So they sympathetically smiled at me and said "you've got another week and a half to go" arghhhhhhh. Anyways, yes I'm still feeling like crap and yes that does suck. However there are loads of people that love me and want to spend time with me and just overall support me through this. I just have to "stop being such a stubborn ass" because "we're going to love you whether you like it or not!" (that's what my card said).

Courage brings hope....

Words to action....

One of my friends has this as a signature in her emails. I have read it before but never really thought of it. Tonight I read it again and it hit me:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This my friends is why I do what I do. Not only in counseling others, but myself is included in that as well. Every flashback I get I want to say screw it, I want to walk away and not deal with it.... but there is just this inner drive that I cannot explain to keep putting one foot in front of the other and never look back. Besides why would I want to? This last 6 years of counseling has been freaking hard, I'm not going to lie. However, the steps and triumphs we've made in it all far outweigh all the struggles in the moment. He is good!

Got the goods.....

Well I'll have you all know that I just got back from the pharmacy where I spent $20 on things like Kleenex, cough drops (one is in my mouth right now....such relief), and Dayquil and Nyquil. Then I went to the grocery store because I have no food. I don't know about all of you but the last thing I want to do is cook when I'm feeling miserable. The most I'll cook is KD. In fact, the only time I eat KD is when I'm sick. Not sure why... Anyways I lucked out at the old Food Lion today. They had Michelina's on 5 for $5, Campbell's soup on 5 for 5$, KD 3 for $1, and Breyers ice cream buy one get one free (mint chocolate chip and Oreo...mmmmm). So unhealthy eating here I come....I could care less really. As long as it's easy and comforting it's going to make my life better right now.

So for all of you and your complaining of me not letting you help....I proved again I don't need you....HA! :) Seriously friends, I damn near died due to lack of energy when I got home from the store. K, I need to work on this....I promise! Thanks for all your love. I'm off to EMU for a quick meeting and then it will be back to bed I go.

Finally....

Well for someone whose always sick, I've got to say that I've been doing quite well since I've been down here. There were lots of people sick around me, but thankfully I would always escape it. Until now....

The Masters in Counseling crew has been slowly dropping off one by one these past two weeks. It started with one of our profs, then a classmate, another prof, the secretary....and now me along with some others are feeling the effect. What do you do when you're surrounded by the bugs all day everyday? Nothing! No vitamins or amount of rest could have kept this sucker away.

I felt the effects yesterday, and today I have been hit with it. I will say though it's been nice to have a PJ day and stay in bed for most of the day. The worst part about all of this.... I HAVE NO ICE CREAM!!!! Jason can you go to the store and get me some ice cream? Oh right that can't work down here :(

Week 2....

• ate raw salmon in a sushi roll that a friend had, despite Erica saying sarcastically "oh sure eating raw salmon is fine for you, just like raw chicken is as well"...ha ha ha what a smarty pants..I think she gagged watching me eat it....I think I gagged too, weird texture and just the thought of eating raw fish
• have been having a lot of physical symptoms this week that I don't like, I'm going with a direct link between my body and stress right now....and no I'm not pregnant
• won first place in an ethics competition and read 159 pages in a novel all in one night, I'm officially a geek now people
• looking forward to a yummy supper and fun game of Settlers of Catan this weekend
• sang "Oh Canada", along with April, to a group of Americans who didn't know the song
• survived the birthing video, thankfully the prof changed it to a birth that we watched all the action without needing to see the actually female part during it
• stuck my foot in my mouth before the video...there was a pregnant guest speaker in class who introduced herself and wanted us to go around and introduce ourselves, when it was my turn I admitted that I was having anxiety about the video to which she responded that it was HER birthing video that we were going to be watching, man I was embarrassed....I will admit it was weird seeing the woman's bare breasts as she's sitting there with us watching the video
• one of my classmates is flying to Florida for the weekend in a couple of weeks (for $100 return, you can't even drive there from here for that) and wants me to go with her.... she's even going to Disney....arghhhhhh so tempting but would be way too hard without Jason
• learning how to have accurate empathy with a client....going beyond what the client is saying and taping into the feelings and emotions involved in the words....this is hard, especially as the prof circulates and gives you feedback (I was the client in this moment and she made me cry)
• had to do a role play for a client in crisis....I was the counselor whose client was coming out to her parents the next morning....good training for the future perhaps
• LOVING Safe Space and the people involved, they were trying to come up with a logo for t-shirts the other night when I was there...one suggestion was "homophobia is gay" ha ha.....not the one they picked though obviously
• Jason's been in Ottawa all week, which means Kitty is really mad at me now because she's been home alone all week with Alpine....although they've had a break from Trooper
• so thankful for my classmates, so thankful
• been having Haiti on my mind a lot
• been hating the skin I've been in this past week due to a wonderful memory, come on counselling.....seriously this is hard freaking work....no wonder people give up... I'm not helping am I? :)
• having a huge ice storm right now...it's going to be a mess tomorrow
• am making plans to go to 2 counseling conferences in March, one is Pittsburgh and one in DC
• need to book a plane ticket home
• read way too many text book pages for all my classes, I lost count after 206 pages
• am feeling quite exhausted due to ridiculous dreams, my brian just isn't shutting off at night time it feels like
• have a lot of work to do